rubik’s cube.

Life has felt like a Rubik’s cube over the past 3 months; being jumbled around, life’s colors being mixed up, while being used to a one colored routine. There were some big changes..

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from living at home, to a host family and roommate for the summer, now living with the Penley’s and Kia (my dog). Traveling from Washington, Georgia for a funeral, back to Washington for Wynter’s wedding, and Florida to visit grandparents. I added on 3 summer classes, nannied, plus a second year internship with the Children’s Ministry at IAC Church. It was a full summer.

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It wasn’t until a shower while visiting my grandparents, that God reminded me I haven’t been pressing into my 2019 word, “worth.” I chose this word, because I lost my identity last year. Who I was as a friend, sibling, and a daughter to God. I started this year reading a new book on “worth” each month, but when summer hit, my time spent in the Bible became less, rather, packing my schedule full.

I’m learning… we’ll always change, but our worth in Christ doesn’t change. God’s present and actively working in and through our lives. Mrs. Christy has said this a dozen times, but it wasn’t until this summer with my rubik’s cube constantly shifting to new patterns, that I understood what she was saying. Instead of trying to unscramble our cube’s were to take them to God and say, “whatever you want to do in this jumbled mess, would you keep my heart open to learning from it.”

While visiting my grandparents in South Florida, my Grandpapa ended up in the hospital. It’s been difficult seeing him decline and his memory slip as well, but it was a good reminder to press into God because He’s not changing anytime soon!!

We’ll change. That’s a fact. God doesn’t, and neither does our worth. That’s a bigger fact.

I thought I could go this summer without reading the Bible everyday, but it’s been a lesson that; we can’t know our worth in Him, when we walk away from reading and learning from Him.

There is something good to slowing down. I’ve run around, pushing in different areas, while not relying on God through it. Slowing down to only have puzzle building as the agenda for a day is a weird feeling, but it’s a good reminder, that peace can be found in the emptiness.

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A big change this summer was saying goodbye to my family of 6 boys. The Pound’s family came to me out of the blue. A family of five boys, with a single dad in the Air Force, it was never a dull moment. Being their nanny, days were filled with football games, swim meets, bedtime stories, rap battles, bubble baths and cookie decorating. These boys taught me what loving through difficult situations is like, but more importantly, they taught me what true dependence on Christ is. They have a piece of my heart, and as they transition to St. Louis with new orders, praying it’ll be a smooth shift.

I think change hurts so bad.. because we become so accustomed to a consistent routine, same colored life, that when God shifts it up, we either run to Him or runaway. But if we stay, and are open to seeing what He’s trying to teach us, we begin to see new growth, and our worth in Him.

Through all this change one song that’s really helped is:  The Future: Tenth Avenue North It’s a good reminder not to worry about the future, when life’s Rubik’s cube is constantly being shifted, rather letting go and giving it to God.

So to anyone feeling like they’re in a season of constant shifting, constant jumbling around.. I know it’s overwhelming and scary.. but depend on Him, read the Bible even on the mornings that seem filled with worry. He’s listening, and He’s wanting you to see your worth in Him.

-Kyra Mariah

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