Life is a bit messy. Something I don’t like admitting or even letting my life become messy at all. Making sure the house is cleaned up and that my life is in order as much as possible. I view a dirty house as being irresponsible and lazy. Something I’m learning through being over-controlling, is that I’m not leaving much room for grace.
Over the past few months, it’s felt more like God has taken balloons filled with paint and splattered them all over my ‘white walls.’ The walls the I’ve spent so much time, stress, pressure and angst over keeping clean and perfect. He’s been showing me what areas of my life I’ve put too much pressure on and expected too much of others or myself.
The outward things like messy hair, unshaved legs, acne thriving and oversized colorful tie dye shirts have been my worst enemy the past few weeks. Quick to believe that because circumstances are sticky and difficult, job opportunities fell through the cracks and change is happening so quickly around right now, I am less of a person. So quick to be compliant and believe the lies of who I’m not. “Just because it’s been hard doesn’t mean that your not doing good. Doesn’t mean that your not good enough. Doesn’t mean God loves you any less. Doesn’t mean that people who love you look, at you differently and doesn’t mean that your a failure.” These were words my little sister, Anna, reminded me of, when my mind started to believe the lies that started creeping in.
I’ll be honest and admit that it’s not been easy beginning to see the good in the messy, acne thriving, legs unshaved, messy hair and oversized tie dye shirts that have filled up the past few weeks. Yet, it’s been important. Important to not always white-wash the circumstances that surround me.
God didn’t create this world to be black and white. Rather, to be messy and colorful. We’re all messy individuals who need God’s help cleaning up ourselves.
So to those who read this and relate to feeling like their walls have to be white, I challenge you to start painting in the colors, start seeing the messy as where life itself is full and plentiful.
You are loved and so treasured by our Heavenly King who loves painting with colors.